


never thought my heart could be so yearning

by lazulisong



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Notfic, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, i'm not crying your mom is crying, winterkisses, wintershield - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 23:20:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1446556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazulisong/pseuds/lazulisong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>under the influence of burrito and also kombucha from the agonizingly hipster quick-mart across the street I opened up the old ask box for Captain America: BUCKY BABY NOOOOO fic and such. I regret nothing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. OT3? Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> HI IM BACK I LOVE YOU GUYS ALSO I MOVED ACROSS TOWN AND HAD A SPECTACULAR ALLERGY ATTACK INVOLVING LEAVING WORK AT TEN AM TO GO TO URGENT CARE BECAUSE WE WERE GENUINELY UNSURE IF HIVES OR SHINGLES, AND LEARNED THAT THEY PRESCRIBE ANTIACIDS FOR HIVES BECAUSE THE HUMAN BODY IS STRANGE AND ALSO MYSTERIOUS. 
> 
> ALSO I SAW CAPTAIN AMERICA: BUCKY BABY NOOOO ON OPENING DAY AND DRANK MY FEELINGS THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH. ALSO ALSO IF YOU HAVE ANOTHER PROMPT [PLEASE ASKBOX ME.](http://lazulisong.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> KAY LOVE YOU GUYS BYE.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> steve/bucky/sam. eventually bucky does come back to them. sam takes that as his cue to leave. bucky and sam give each other the "talk", both mistakenly believing that the other one is going out with steve. steve would like them to know that there is enough ~FREEDOM~ to be shared lolol if you get his drift
> 
> \--- jaytothesun

I have to say, Sam Wilson falls under a category I really love and vaguely lump together under “WOULD LOVE TO SEE MAKE OUT WITH HERO, WOULD NEVER DO IT”. Like I’m sure he’d love to tap that and yet he never would because a) wow, issues, he’d rather not be working at work AND working at home, and also b) like Bones McCoy he sees the position of being someone’s friend as being more valuable than putting his face against Steve’s face, as glorious as that would undoubtedly be.

I guess it’s an ace thing or whatever. ANYWAY if he and Bucky ever got into a pissing match over Steve, or if they were trying to not step on each other’s toes over a relationship I think it would actually be more likely to be his friendship? Especially for Bucky because in the context of how he perceives himself and how the world perceives him, he’s always been Steve’s Friend and Brother and while it is manifestly a bad idea for Bucky to be Steve’s Friend and Brother now, he reasons, it still hurts to let someone else into that role. (Yes I’m aware that Bucky prewar was probably the one people remembered more but to a real extent, in the first movie Bucky himself revolved around Steve in a way that makes you wonder if you weren’t supposed to go there why did they hire Sebastian “my two main acting skills involve kissing dudes and also crying a lot” Stan.) Whereas Sam is like, Go! Be free! Repair your relationships! By the way Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is repealed FYI and Bucky is like, What the fuck are you talking about, and Sam dispenses a few home truths about one thing the modern world has sort of gotten right.

And then Bucky’s just like o__________________o because cultural homophobia plus deeply ingrained protective instincts toward Steve equals wow that never even crossed his dear little mind before but now it’s all he can think of like for forever. Then he’s like BUT DON’T YOU WANT TO — because Bucky can’t honestly not imagine soaking up Steve’s everything jealously for himself (oh man do Bucky and Tony not get along) and Sam’s like, Well I guess but crazy.

Then they stare at each other for a while and Bucky says very quietly as if it’s being torn out of him, that he wants Steve to have the best. Of everything.

And Sam’s like OH JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ and says Can I give you a hug buddy and Bucky allows him, warily, and by the time Steve wanders in after a full day of having terrible ideas with Natasha and bickering with Tony, Bucky is clinging a little desperately to Sam and Sam is holding onto him, tight tight tight, and Steve freezes for a second. Sam looks up and says, Get your spangled ass over here, Rogers, and Steve bolts over and piledrives into them, into a long hard hug that lasts for what seems like forever.


	2. when you have found him never let him go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky creeping on Steve in his Hoodie O' Disguise (tm)? :D - regonym

OH MAN I WANT THIS SO BAD OKAY

so Natasha notices it first of course because ... Natasha ... and Sam notices it last because he's pretty good but he's more of a big picture distance guy like Clint which is why Natasha puts up with him, but Steve actually doesn't take that long to notice either because HYPERALERTNESS THY NAME IS STEVEN ROGERS. (I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT the way Steve spends the whole movie looking over his shoulder, scanning his surroundings, looking for the exits, looking for what's going to go wrong, what part of this world is going to hurt him next. I SUPER DON'T WANT TO TALK about how he carries tension in his shoulders, how he's prepared to fight his way through anything; carries the shield like it's the only thing between him and falling again in the water. UGH, STEEEEEEEVEEEE.)

Incidentally Sam really admires all those beautiful cases of PTSD that the Avengers are collectively rocking and by that he means THERAPY IS A THING YOU IDIOTS. He and Bruce get together every week and compare terrible stories. OH MAN how did the two most put together people in the room end up being Sam Wilson and the flippin' Hulk, Sam has no idea what the fuck went wrong with his life.

And it's not like Bucky makes it obvious or whatever -- like he's trying to not be seen, but if you pay attention there's a flicker of movement right at the edge of your peripheral vision like a flutter of cloth, a movement felt more than seen, as if it might just be a mote of something in your eye. And he stays within a certain radius, like a cat or a game they used to play with the pigeons in the street, where you could get so close to one because they were used to humans but no closer. Bucky - the Winter Soldier - whatever he is now, something in between one and the other - is like that, orbiting in slowly, slowly tightening circuits around Steve. Like a hunter circling. It makes Sam and Natasha nervous, makes them tighten their own orbits around Steve. Steve doesn't care. Steve learns through experience that if he tries to change the orbit so Bucky is closer to him, Bucky retreats again, so he holds steady, steady as he can. Bucky's sun and moon and true north. 

Natasha decides eventually she has better things to do than fidget over Rogers' undoubtedly beautiful butt and goes back to whatever Natasha does; Sam takes longer but Bucky never seems to do anything? Just watches Steve from a distance. Sam still doesn't like how he looks at him, but what is he supposed to do? Between the four of them he's definitely the closest thing to a squishy human, and even Steve had trouble taking Bucky down. So Sam sort of backs down too and leaves Bucky in peace to watch Steve.

And Steve waits. 

Steve wakes up some mornings with a window open that should be closed; closed when it should be open; a blanket pulled over his chest. During the winter wakes up to find a jar of menthol rub placed on the bedside table where Bucky had always been careful to leave it when he had to leave Steve to the tender mercies of the cold and damp and thin inadequate blankets. Drags himself in after a HYDRA fight gone only slightly pear-shaped (and by that he means he's still healing from cuts and a bullet to the leg) and finds clumsily cut sandwiches waiting for him on the counter. Bucky is still terrible at making them apparently. 

Steve keeps waiting, sometimes plays the old songs Bucky had loved so much, “Moonlight Serenade” and “Sentimental Journey”, all the old swing tunes, on his old record player; makes enough food for two and pretends not to notice if it disappears over night. Falls asleep at night knowing Bucky is watching him from somewhere. 

Wakes up one night, at two am, the worst part of the night, to look into Bucky's intense eyes, Bucky's hand on Steve's chest like Steve was 20 and half-dead of pneumonia and Bucky was listening to make sure he was still alive. Looks at him for a long moment, sleepily glad to see him again, mumbles, “Aw, Buck, you know I'm not dead,” and falls back asleep again. 

Wakes again, six am, to Bucky kissing his face, his lips, tasting his skin, softly, softly, like Bucky's stealing something, the one thing Steve will always willingly give – slides his hand into Bucky's soft dark hair, and pulls him down into a real kiss.


End file.
